I have dedicated this Blog to all the Great Mom's out there
For Without your Mom, who would you be???
Now...onto todays story, and its a bittersweet one ...I hope you Enjoy!
Having a second baby is very exciting, as well as exhausting, because you don't have the luxury of napping at will like you did with your first one. There is a lot of planning that comes with a second baby and along with that the explaining to your firstborn that he will have to *gulp* share Mom's love...
I must admit when I first found out I was expecting, I was on cloud nine, and I had visions of brotherly love (sisterly if it was a girl) never really realizing just how much my world was about to change, and how the dynamics of the family would change with it.
I spent my days preparing, and I spent many afternoons explaining to Michael that he was going to be the "Big Brother" ...soon he was going to have a new little brother or sister to love and share with. Keep in mind this Big Brother was not quite 4 years old, and he was pretty happy with the set up he already had being the "Only" ...he never had to fight for my attention, or his Daddy's, or his "Brampa" who had a wonderful way of making him feel like the King of the World when he was around! As prepared as I thought he was, and as prepared as I thought I was...WE were clearly not prepared at all.
I fell off the porch bringing groceries in the house the Sunday I went into labor, hurrying around with this big round belly and skinny legs was a recipe for disaster...I remember feeling like I was attached to one of those big balls with handles that we bounced on as kids, thats how it felt as I rolled onto the sidewalk, I scraped my chin, I bruised my knees, and I was worried sick that I had harmed my baby. After calling my Father in law to see if he would mind coming over to play with Michael, I then made several calls to my OBs answering service over the next few hours, because I just didn't know what else to do. Yes I still felt the baby, but was he/she as active as before the fall? I just didn't know, our minds play funny tricks on us when things like this happen. Needless to say, I wouldn't have to worry long, as I was fortunate enough to go into labor late that Sunday evening, and by 2am Monday Morning we were on our way to the Hospital to have baby #2...I thank God everyday that I went into labor when I did, as when I fell that day, Gino turned a bit and the cord wrapped around his neck not just once, but twice, so it was a true blessing that I delivered him the very next day.
I cried when Michael came to see his new brother Gino...the emotions in me are still painful to recall...I remember thinking I had cheated Michael somehow, what made me think this was going to be easy? I am a very sensitive being, hallmark commercials make me cry...for me, this hallmark moment was turning into a nightmare, and I felt so horribly guilty...I had prepared physically for this moment, but I had never prepared emotionally...we had bought a gameboy to give Michael, from Gino...he was the most amazing child I had ever seen to master video games, (well, come on, his mother was the video game queen, again, a story for another blog lol) but he was both shocked and amazed that this baby came bearing gifts, right out of his mothers belly no less!!! This was incredibly awesome...While Michael fired up his new gameboy, I couldn't stop crying...I felt like Cruella DeVille, how could I think this was all going to be okay...my baby boy would now have to share me after all these years :( ... call it hormones, call it whatever you want...I truly felt, that day, like the devil in disguise...Every time I thought of his visit for the rest of that day it brought tears to my eyes. He looked so confused, and was actually quite scared to see me in the hospital bed, it took him quite a while to get up on that bed with me, I think he was scared he was going to hurt me more.
I was happy to go home, I couldn't wait, and I have to say it was sad for me, as I had lost both my Mother and my Mother-in-law in the last 2 years...1990 and 1991 respectively...Thankfully, My newest Angel here on earth Grama Esther agreed to come and stay with us for at least a week to help me...I hope she knows, just how much she did help, and just how grateful I was to have her there...as much as I thought I was ready...I really wasn't prepared at all. We somehow made it through that first week. I remember being so afraid when Grama Esther went home, it was really scary being the mother of two little boys.
Our life went on, and our life became normal, routine, well as routine as it was ever going to be. I was really enjoying settling in with my boys. When Gino would nap, Michael and I would play, he would try to teach me how to play Sonic the Hedgehog, which I never did master...we would revert to cars or coloring or watching movies or making cookies. After about 2 weeks of this, it would seem that Michael, who I thought was adjusting quite well, had decided that he was not quite sure of the new set up we had, to this day I laugh just thinking about it.
It had to be about 2 weeks later...I was in the kitchen making us lunch one day, Gino was in his playseat, and had started to cry. Michael, came running in the kitchen, hands over his ears, and he said
"Mommy", with the most serious look I had every seen, "Mommy, when is his Mommy going to come and pick him up?" Stunned, I just looked at him and said "Michael, I am his Mommy" ..."No Mommy, you are My Mommy, he's been here a long time, I think its time for her to come pick him up." All I could think of was here was this 4 year old, who must have been thinking, I really have been patient, I have been doing the best I can, but this is getting ridiculous, shes been watching this kid for far too long...and so it began....sibling rivalry at its best...I don't really recall how I managed to make Michael realize that this was his brother and he would be staying with us forever, but I do remember thinking all of this was going to be even harder than I had anticipated.
19 years later, and this day is still vivid in my mind, yet for some reason it brings a smile to my face, because we survived. We survived years of living in the same house, me yelling at them to please stop fighting, to please get along...them yelling back about how much they hated each other...and me, forever being the silver lining person that I try to be, found the silver lining in the fact that they were here, they were healthy enough to be fighting with each other, and I loved them both with all of my heart...To this day, I am amazed at the unconditional love I have for each of them...but, truth be told, there are still times they can make me want to pull out the wooden spoon...yet again, a story for another time xoxoxo
*All 3 Baby Boyz 1994*
For a mother is the only person on earth Who can divide her love among all her children
And each child still have all her love. anonymous
Much Love,
LB
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