Communication and the Art of Listening

Good Communication does not mean you have to speak in perfectly formed sentences and paragraphs...Simple and Clear go a long way...John Kotter

     Communication...I truly believe many arguments would not happen, if we took a step back and learned to listen to each other.  I'm not just talking about significant others, I'm talking about friends, co-workers, children and the like.  How many times a week

do you feel as if your communications with others are actually "miscommunications"?

     I was talking to a friend the other day, and we are very honest and very candid with each other about our strong yet quirky personalities, and how they are sometimes perceived by those we love.  With each other, we say what we mean, and we mean what we say...we are not vague, we are not indifferent, we are just honest with each other.  She asked me why was it so easy for us to be so truthful with each other, and to say exactly what we were thinking or feeling, yet it was so hard to communicate with those we love.  This started me thinking, that our lives would be so much easier if we could actually communicate, truthfully, with each other.  For instance, have you ever been in a situation, where the one you love wants to do something without you, and you don't want them to, but you say "This will be fun for you, go ahead, have a great time!!!" and then they do!  And you get so mad...in your mind you are thinking, "I cannot believe they went, without me! I wanted to go, I wanted to be invited!"  but you said to go ahead, you said it was fine (by the way, if you use the word fine, it should just be a no-brainer that it is NOT fine lol)  ...anyways, they return, and you are mad, even though you know you shouldn't be, you are...and when they say to you, "is everything okay?" you blow up..."no everything is not okay you say....I cannot believe you went without me, I wanted to go"   Important rule here...say what you mean, and mean what you say...this whole issue may have been different in the beginning if you simply said...
"I know you want to go, I know you will have fun, but if I can't go with you, I would rather you stay here, with me."  This way, you spoke the truth, and you don't have to spend days being so angry about it that it causes an argument...I know....easy to say, for some reason we do not communicate well sometimes, I think human nature is to please others, but for goodness sakes, we need to start pleasing ourselves too.  Simple, yet Clear, I think this just might be the key to effective communication.

~~Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force...The Friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward...when we are listened to, it creates us, it makes us unfold and expand~~



    Those of you who know me, know I love to talk...sometimes, it is hard for me not to...but along with talking, I love to listen, and throughout my life I have perfected the art of knowing when to "just listen".

This art of listening did not come easily, and I can admit that when I was younger, I felt far more compelled to put my "two-cents in" whether it was necessary or not.  I also found that many times, my "two-cents" could cause more harm, because I found that more often than not, some conversations do not require help or advice, or a know-it-all opinion, you see, some conversations only require a listening ear, a strong shoulder to cry on, and no words at all.  There is a quote that I go to when I know only listening is required, and it is this one:

ღ The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had ღ ~Author Unknown

     I myself, have been through some pretty hard times, and I have always been lucky enough to have some of the best friends there are...these are the friends who would listen without saying a word, they would listen to me go on and on about the unfairness of life, they were gentle with me, and my emotions...the best thing about this type of friend, is that they would wait for ME to be ready to brush myself off and move on, they never hurried me along, they never told me what to do, they simply listened.

     When you perfect the art of listening, you learn alot, and you also see a whole lot more than you do when you are doing all of the talking.  Have you ever walked away from a conversation, where you felt like you could not get a word in edge-wise?  Isn't it a bit annoying?  Do you walk away thinking, wow...I just needed someone to listen to me, and now I feel worse than I did before the conversation, or, you run into someone who everytime you see or talk to them, all they can do is talk about their life, they have no interest in you or yours...   All I am saying is to just be conscious, to just be aware, are you listening enough to those who need you to "just listen"?

     As a mother, I have done a whole lot of talking, I can also say, and I am quite proud of myself for this, I have done far more listening, listening to them, to their friends, and their girlfriends. For me, this is very important to know when to be there, and also when to take a step back.   From the beginning, it is very hard to sit back and watch your children make mistakes, our first reaction is always to help.  But go as far back as you can, do you remember when you just knew they were going to fall, and you also knew that they needed to know how to pick themselves back up, brush themselves off, and move on?  It's no different when they are grown, there will be many times you want to intervene, there will be many times you want to be the one doing the talking, the one doing the fixing, the one fighting with or for them...I would like for you to remember one thing, and do your children the biggest favor you can, Just listen...trust that you have given them the tools necessary to work things out for themselves, on their own, trust that they will pick themselves up, brush themselves off, and move on...and ALWAYS, always, always....be there to just listen, and provide a hug when necessary.

"Open your Heart, Open your Arms, Close your Mouth" Lori Broccolo

Much Love,

LB