The Open Trail

It was June 23,2019 when I first found the open trail. 

I was going through a lot at this time in my life. I had moved from my suburban home to a luxury apartment, it was time to finally take care of myself on my own. Remember the empty nest? This was the next phase. It was important for me to move on. There are a million different reasons, but I do not feel the need to explain, suffice it to say it was time for me to pull up my big girl pants and move along.

I set up a family day with my children, my mother's birthday is June 21st, and I was feeling the way I usually feel in June...awful...My mother's birthday, and the end of my marriage on my 10th anniversary on June 27th...what a fun week. I curse my brains muscle memory to remember tragic events but never remember why I walked into the next room. Maybe it was miscommunication, maybe I'm just not the best person to be around in June...maybe a bit of both but it was finally brought to light that January and June are my absolute worst months, and I need to be as good to myself as possible and not put others in my line of fire. Me being me with my big grand family ideas of course I set up a "family day" ... this day did not go as planned...all I can say is I left abruptly, cried all the way home yelled at my grown children, basically making them all think I had indeed gone mad. After this tantrum that I'm not at all proud of I did what I could to reinvent myself so that I would never feel this way again. I remember going to sleep that night and promising myself that I would find a better way to deal with my grief.

Because of this day I found the open trail. It was in my backyard! The first time I hit the trail I ran 5 miles. Okay, I didn't run, I walked most of it, but I ran sprints in between. I had never felt this good in my life, I never thought I was a trail person, but here I was, feeling better than I ever have. It was this day I realized that the open trail was as important to me as breathing. It is hard to explain. I walk down the road, less than 1/4 mile, and when my feet finally hit the trail it's like I become someone else. My feet hit the trail and my music is on, my mind is clear, and I feel like I can conquer the world. I spend the next hour, sometimes two, processing the past few days, daydreaming up big ideas, and it is the most exhilarating feeling I have ever known. 

There are times that I am sure I self-sabotage, because after about 4 months I took a break from the trail even though I knew in my mind it would not be good for me. I lasted almost through October and it had started to get dark earlier and it was cold. Days turned into weeks, then months until of course the dreaded cycle starts all over again. 

Of course, I have no idea where I was going with this story, except to remind myself and others that  self care is important. We spend our days taking care of everyone around us, that it is so easy to forget that we need to take care of ourselves too. In order for the heart to feed the rest of the body it needs to feed itself first, we should all take that advice from the heart. 

To this day I hop on the trail, not as often as I would like, but some is better than none. With all that said, I'm going to pack up and find a trail nearby. 

Make it a great Day!!!
LB